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ACXII JN Staff Tourney - The Story

Tourney Results | The Story
Top Guessers | AC XII Coverage

Summer is just around the corner, and the Jellyneo staff are on the final day of their Pre-Summer Vacation. This pre-annual tradition (they promise they'll do it again next year) has brought them to Crazy Ferdinand's Amusement Park and Discount Laundromat, the finest establishment within their price range. As the end of the day draws near, the staff find themselves faced with a crucial decision...

Steve: "That roller coaster was insane! I actually think I saw some parts shaking loose."
Jen: "Oh good, I wasn't imagining it. Wait, that's not good at all, is it?"
Aurora: "Well, they don't call it the COLOSSAL DEATHTRAP for nothing."
Michelle: "So where to next? Maybe something, uh... closer to the ground?"
Ummy: "We're not far from the paintball course. Anyone up for another round?"
Perry: "Ugh, no thanks. I'm still covered in bruises from last time."
Kait: "Aren't they supposed to give you some kind of protective gear or something?"
Rosie: "It's so you get paint all over your own clothes and have to use the laundromat! That's how they get ya!"
Ducky: "How about the go-kart track? That sounds safe... right?"
Rylon: "I do hope that was meant to be a joke. That said, I'm not laughing."
Herdy: "There's always the giant washing machine ride. It's this park's claim to fame!"
Leaf: "That thing is a ride? I thought it was just a weird-shaped building..."
Amanda: "Why not do both? We've got an hour left, and half the people in line end up chickening out anyway."
Monica: "They're on opposite ends of the park. Even with short lines, it's a long way to walk."
Chesu: "Yeah, considering how much ground we'd have to cover, we would never be able to do both before the park closes."
Sweep: "It's really too bad that there's no faster way to make the trip."
Skylar: "...Actually... There might be ONE way we can do both in time..."
Pizza: "...I don't like that look in your eye."

Unclear on what Skylar has in mind but eager to experience the thrills of go-karts, giant washing machines, and once again facing their own mortalities, the Jellyneo staff quickly makes their way to Crazy Ferdinand's Go-Kart Expressway. When their turn comes, Skylar once more faces the group.

Skylar: "Who here remembers the park rules?"
Ummy: "The liability waivers we had to sign said all kinds of things..."
Steve: "The giant signs all over the park do say the first, and only, rule is to 'have fun,' though."
Skylar: "Exactly! Now, follow me!"

With that, the staff all board their go-karts and follow Skylar, who promptly makes a hard right and crashes through the balsa wood barricade surrounding the track, bursting out onto the walkways of the park. They make a beeline to the Wash-Master 5100 ride on the far side of the park and arrive in record time. Still following Skylar's lead, they board the ride without bothering to get out of their karts.

Rylon: "When you said we could do both, this is NOT what I had in mind."
Sweep: "Is this safe? Or, rather... just how unsafe is this, exactly?"
Michelle: "We never drove go-karts inside giant washing machines at my old virtual pet fan site!"
Pizza: "I knew I should've stayed home today."
Kait: "...Have you ever realized something was a bad idea just moments too late?"

Before anyone can change their minds, the uncaring teenage ride attendant firmly latches the door closed and instructs riders to put on the snorkels they were provided. After staring at his control panel for a moment, he selects the Heated Wash and Heavy Duty settings, then adds Extra Rinse just for fun. As the ride starts up, he leans back in his plastic lawn chair and nods along to the sounds of rushing water, echoey snorkeled screams, and revving engines. When the ride finally ends several minutes later, he opens the door and stands aside to let the frazzled riders out.

Skylar: "...That... was not one of my best ideas."
Chesu: "My life flashed before my eyes. So many carrots gone uneaten..."
Leaf: "Let's just return the karts and go. We have to start practicing for the Altador Cup."
Jen: "Wait, I can't get out of my kart. I'm stuck! Help, police!"
Amanda: "What do you mean, you're... Hey! I'm stuck too!"
Rosie: "Look at your karts! They've shrunk in the wash! They're mini-karts now!"
Herdy: "...That is the single most ridiculous premise I've ever--"
Aurora: "That happens to my sweaters all the time! It makes perfect sense!"
Herdy: "But--"
Monica: "How are we going to get out of them? We can't just stay like this!"

The ride attendant, who had been impatiently holding the door open and waiting for them to leave, clears his throat. Once he has their attention, he informs them that kart shrinkage wasn't uncommon at Crazy Ferdinand's, and that their head of maintenance would be able to deal with the situation. Unfortunately, maintenance is only performed twice a year, so according to the attendant they would have to come back at the start of July.

Perry: "July? As in, a month from now July??"
Ducky: "It could be worse. Be glad we hadn't come in August."
Michelle: "Wait. So, we are going to have to play Yooyuball in these things?"
Rosie: "A little extra horsepower never hurt anyone!"
Rylon: "SOMEONE clearly hasn't ridden the Tilt-A-Whirl..."
Pizza: "Well, at least it's a level playing field, as far as mobility is concerned."
Sweep: "Hey, yeah! I can vroom back and forth all across the field without getting tired!"
Steve: "There's got to be something in the rules against using motor vehicles though, right?"
Skylar: "Technically, there's only one rule on Crazy Ferdinand property... and our butts are firmly planted on Crazy Ferdinand's property for the foreseeable future!"
Kait: "Let's have some fun!"

Referees